Lace.

I've been this way for some time now.
Delicate.
Like lace on a fringe or a porcelain doll.
Except with a heart and a soul and a laugh.
And eyes that watch you disprove of what you see.
Delicate; because I love you.

lennie.

Winter Rain

I'm listening to the winter rain
And wishing it was summer.
I wish the atmosphere was tinted clear
Replacing all this grey.
Would that the rain-warm steam
and gasoline would drug the open air
And that kids would jump into chlorine water
Making waves in their lemonade
And watching the stars.


lennie.

Enough.

C
i should've learned my lesson
A
the first time
F G
that you never called back.
C
i should've seen it coming
A
we were talking
F G
and my heart beat so fast

i should've left you guessing
let you miss me
but i miss you first
i always try to fight this
but it's lonely
and it only gets worse

Dm
i should've run away
Bbm
i should've turned around
Dm
i should've known that you
G
were meant to let me down.

i should've walked away
i should've turned around
i should've known that you
would always let me down
F
i fell in love too early
G A
and i can't take it back
F
i'll always want you with me
G C
you'll never be my past.
F
each time you say i'm perfect
G A
you break my heart in two
F
don't tell me that i'm perfect
G C
it's not enough for you

Song?

lovely is a perfect word
for the state that I'm not in.
In all the things you've never heard
my passion's wearing thin.

I wish with every fiber left
That something comes alive.
I feel like grass without the green,
And bees without their hive.

So break my heart and leave me be.
Just rip at every part of me.
And maybe then I'll start to feel,
Maybe then I'll know I'm real.
I'll scream and cry and close my eyes.
And sever all these ghostly ties.
Just as I start to see the black,
I know you'll come and bring me back.

lennie.

Room

My room's a mess
and so am I.
A wrinkled dress
on the floor in the corner.
With a wrinkled brow staring it down.
You never clean up!
And I hope my brain hears her.
Maybe when it listens
I will too.
My heart's a mess.
And so's my room.

lennie.

Smile

i want to shake myself
awake and alive and not very broken
hearted on the snow and in the soft cold wind
chime with my faith and laugh until i can't anymore.

i want to smile when no ones looking.

11:11

if 5 shooting stars
were to fly
right now
i'd wish i was as pretty as you made me feel
i'd wish you were real
i'd wish i was holding you hand
i'd wish you would understand, and want mine too
i'd wish for you.

lennie.

Ghost.

i'd rather be a catastrophe
than be nothing at all.
floating around
nondescript and lifeless.
i want to make some one angry
or make them love me
or worse, make them leave me.
because at least then I would know I was alive
and that I was real
it's hard being a ghost sometimes.


lennie.

Maxie

you're kind of an asshole
but it's okay
because you make me laugh anyway
and we're basically friends
and i lied once and said you were my brother
but i dont think it was a lie
we just have different mothers
and you laugh in the face
of each of your fears
and you sew your friends back
when they're starting to tear.

lennie.

Baby, that face deserves a photo.

Baby, that face deserves a photo.
Black and white, Boost, Glam Rock
Something to commemorate the glint in your eye.

Baby, that line deserves a movie.
A little scary, a little sexy, and a whole lotta hit.
Just so I can replay your voice in my head, and my headphones.

Honey, you're the only thing I've ever feared
Because no matter what you do to me.
I'll never want to forget you.

lennie.

Georgie

You might not see it,
but you're beautiful.
You'd hold their hearts on strings
if you let them in close enough
to know you.
And you hate your hair
but it makes you brave.
More so than me.
Catching the light in your eyes
from the music thats playing inside your head.
You might not see it,
but you're beautiful.

lennie

Check Up

skin me alive
make sure i'm still in there.

Rose

i wish to be a rose
having seen all the rest
I find I seek harm
more than innocence

Eloquence

relocate
the eloquent
bring them all back.
to teach my children to speak
so that when they are heard
someone listens.

Lipstick

little lines of poetry
in lipstick on the mirror
you can hardly see yourself
and in that lie the view is clearer.
there're daggers in each stroke and shape,
theres lust laced through the prose.
and your reflection swears it's naked,
though you're standing in your clothes.

lennie.

falling.

rapid fire heartbeat.
less a pulse, more a tone.
the air is thick with apprehension.
somethings breaking
and taking it's time.
and taking you with it into the separate pieces
that used to hold you together.

lennie.

Romeo

knock on her window
and hope she's not sleeping.
you had no idea the buses ran this late,
but it's the perfect fact for summer.

you woke up, drawn to her.
2AM, and she's calling you.
One text that she didn't reply to.
Stings, doesn't it.

But you need her, right now.
To make sure she's laughing and happy.
It's summer.
The air is tight and compressed around your skin.
And if you could see your breath, it'd be fire.
As you reach up
and knock on her window.

lennie.

Heartstrings

Every time I take a breath,
and my heart beats inside my chest.
It so much wants to run to you
And suddenly, I need that too.

Each obstacle seems oh so small
In the great scheme of things, the worth of it all
And suddenly it all makes sense,
As your lips demolish each pretense.

You tug each string with every word.
Beautiful things among things unheard
To see your face, to hear you laugh
To love your present, future, past.

I'd give my worth, I'd give my all.
To know you'd catch me when I fall.
But until then, I'll sit and wait.
Catch a star, and trust in fate.


lennie

Thief

I lay in the dark
and I wish you were here
to hold me up
or down.
to hold my heart
or my hand.
my lungs are writhing against my ribcage
and in my dreams, i'm fighting for breath.
because you took all mine away.

lennie.

Untitled II

drip drip drip

like the tears from a sparrow

whose wings were clipped

by a being that envied

her friendship with the sky and the air.

tap tap tap

nervous fingers drumming

against a hard surface

begging it to lend them it's security

and it's ability to stand

thump thump thump

a heart rushing to win the race

that we die to complete

but dreading the denouement

when the cold sets in.

who are we to clip her wings

when we so value her song?

who are we to ask for security,

when we jeopardized it's own?

and what control do we have

over the inevitable.

lennie.

Save Me. I'm Here.

suddenly, i'm drowning.
in sins, in hopes, in faith, in the dark,
in this loss of esteem for my souls well being.
i'm losing my way.
and no one will acquiesce my plea for help.
probably because it's only in my mind as selfish pride chokes the words before they leave my tongue and taste the oxygen on its way into my throat
and i am helpless again.
and there are those who would frown upon my means of self sufficiency.
but i didn't ask them for their opinion,
so they lock it inside.
instead of trying to protect me from myself.


lennie.

Winning

No one can hurt me like I can.
So i'll stay in my skin
And i'll let myself decay
with a smile on my face.

I'll let no one in.
Because they can hurt me
like I can.


lennie.

Raw

I wish I was raw.

Unhindered, uncut.

A naked plunge into ice cold water

Or a tryst with a stranger in the dark of the night.

I will myself forward

Running through the rain with my eyes wide shut

the water icicles on my skin

helping me remember that for now, i'm alive.

No fear of shadows

walk through the dark and envision the flame

that no one can tame

and that no one will douse.

I wish I was raw.

lennie.

Stockholm

I'm so yours for the taking.
did you know that?
you could throw me away
and peel my esteem from my skin

and with a word
a phrase
a phone call
I'd be back
because I'm safe there.

you're a disorder.
a syndrome that I'm too tired to fight
and you don't even want me back.
and I sit, vindicated.
while you stand, ignorant.

ignorant and living in the bliss
that I only want with you.

lennie.

Hoodie

i like the way your hoodie smells.
it's essence of you in the rawest sense
so tonight i'll face a nightmares' swells,
with the dark green fabric as my only defense.

i'm not sure what you mean to me
we're friends at least, or something more
but wood becomes ashes and light becomes heat
and tomorrows another open door

the twilights late this time of year
and maybe God gets a joke at our expense
this feels like magic and smells like cheer
as i've got hands and face right up to the fence

i like the way your hoodie smells.
it's essence of you in the rawest sense
so tonight i'll hope i dream of you
with the dark green fabric as my only defense.

lennie.

Sad Eyes

Sometimes it's okay to cry.

To sit in the dark and wonder why

the worlds so big and we're so small,

or why we feel for him at all.

Sometimes it's okay to scream,

to tear apart at every seam.

And when we learn to face the facts,

something comes and sews us back.

Sometimes it's okay to hurt.

To feel that things have reached their worst.

But even through the hardest rain,

we know the sun comes out again.

Sometimes it's okay to cry.

So when those tears fill those sad eyes,

when you sit in the dark and wonder why,

I can't always answer, but I promise I'll try.

lennie.

Untitled

its a ray of sun in the pouring rain,
its giving for a greater gain.
it's laughing till it hurts to breathe,
it's a bandaid on a fresh cut knee.

it's crying till you're out of tears,
it's hiding to escape the fear.
it's losing someone that you love,
it's being pushed, and being shoved.

it's stretching in the early sun,
it's in the smile of little ones.
it's every sip of red, red wine,
it's left in those you leave behind.

it's pulsing hot through every vein
it's chasing all the dark away.
through every heart and every breath
we live this life to reach the best.

On The Opposite Side of Her Mind

on the opposite side of her mind,
where she's wondering what happens next.
theres a small angry voice in her head,
that is making a large frightened mess.

it tells her she's going to fail,
that the prize isn't worth all the work.
at the edge with both hands on the rail,
and it wants her to drown in the hurt.

and copies the critics and fools,
repeating their words in her ear.
you won't make it, you're worthless, dont go.
and the whispers fan flame made of fear

but the small angry voice doesn't know,
about the one who is holding her hand.
he shelters her from every blow,
and gives her the courage to stand.

so although theres a large frightened mess,
spurred to life by a small frightened voice.
on the opposite side she is blessed,
by the love that is holding her close.


lennie.

Piece

Hello there my name is content.
it's not that I have all i want,
it is merely that i am no longer aware
of what I am missing.
And I wish that I could tell you
how to find this numb as well.
But sometimes you forget you're alive
when you can't feel anything at all.

lennie.

Abstinence

Bright eyes turn the lights back on.
I dont know if it's the halogen or the fluorescents,
but you're prettier that way.

That and I'm afraid of the dark.

lennie.

Distance

it's a different kind of close
when you're still far away.
and you don't get to see her
every moment of the day.
it's a different kind of friend,
when you don't live next door.
and she isn't omnipresent
like she was before.
and you know all her secrets
and she knows all of yours
and you know that she'll love you
till she can't anymore.

lennie.

Tear

Stop that.
Don't you dare.
Take a deep breath,
Reign it all in.
If you let that escape, it's over.
Admittance of defeat.
The second it leaks,
you're sunk into the sea
the one that swirls around in your brain
and tells you
that you fell for it again.

lennie.

Sparks

I'm dreaming in ways that I don't understand
Sometimes it's your lips, sometimes it's your hands.
They're running me over with passion and want
Breathing so hard I can't form the word stop.
As you call me these things I don't see in myself.
A beauty, a spark that I put on the shelf.
I don't know your face, or your name or your voice.
But I think when I meet you, I'll fall without choice.
I'm dreaming in ways that I don't understand.
And I try not to wake up as hard as I can.


lennie.

Summer

It's hazy and your judgement has gone out the window
It's the time when your friends are furthest away.
And when you miss people the most.
Freedom and skin are running through the streets.
Shorter skirts and flip flops.
And best of all,
you can swim in the rain.


lennie.

Coaster

Dizzy and spun around.
Happy and high.
Flying because there's no ground to stand on.
Living because we can do nothing else.
Broken and thrown away.
Curled in a ball.
Running even without a destination.
Hiding because no one is seeking.
Dizzy and spun around.


lennie.

Untitled

Spring amidst winter
velvet against my fingertips
Sparkling glass and flowing red.
A perfect kind of pain.
Draw me towards the light and
let me go only when I am blind.
When I am blind, your lips will do.


lennie.

Adapted

It's daylight and he's hiding.
He isn't sure what to do in the sun.
He's dark and afraid and lost.
It's daylight and she's seeking.
She needs him to see the beauty of it all
She is air and oxygen and she's sifting through the smoke.
It's night
And they're alive.


lennie.

Victim

What's this?
A girl on her own in a world where they'll spit on her face to see if she'll cry.
Be tough be strong be perfect be pretty.
And somehow be yourself at the same time.
What's this?
A girl all alone in the bathroom with music so loud she can't hear herself retch.
A girl all alone biting her lip to keep herself from biting something else.
I wish I was surprised.


lennie.

Once

Bright eyes like the stars that peek out too early at twilight.
Except they're liars.
Soft lips like the skin of a child that doesn't know the meaning of innocence, and yet brings it to life.
Except they're poisonous.
How easily we trust the humble and lowly, forgetting to remember how they might have gotten so low in the first place.
The snake used to walk.
The cheater used to win.
Those who walk with their heads down once lifted their faces to the sun.
Once, the broken were loved.
Once, the broken were loved.


lennie.